You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
