Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Randomize
