mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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