the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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