So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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