I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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