the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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