Please, let me fuck your mom
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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