the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
