Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
