I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
These tits shall not be calmed
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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