I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
