What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
