I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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