Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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