smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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