ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
