Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
