You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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