We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
