One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
