So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
