its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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