i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
