WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
