she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
