it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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