??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
