Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
