getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
