Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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