the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
