I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
