if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
