but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
