I want to walk on stilts...naked
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
is that a dick in a sweater?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
