The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
