Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
