He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
