I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
organizing the empties. That sober.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
