forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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