and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
