I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
