If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
