That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
