The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
