party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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