She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
