there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
