she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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