we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
